Hello beautiful people!
One of my favorite songs right now is “Holy”, by Jamila Woods. The entire song is an anthem to self-love, but the hook in particular is a MOOD:
“I’m not lonely…I’m alone/and I’m holy…by my own” Beautiful, isn’t it?
(Churchy disclaimer: Yes, I know Jesus is the holy one. It’s a metaphor. Keep up, chile.)
Anyway, while I was on my vacation last week, I was scrolling through my phone while I waited for my friend to wake up so we could carpe the diem and such, and I came across this picture:
Wait, let me backtrack.
People are really fascinated by the fact that I enjoy traveling by myself. People equate vacation with having a friend group present, and I get that… But when I list the places that I’ve been on my own, people look at me like I’m the newest exhibit in the zoo. “Why?”, They ask. “Why would you want to go to all these locations by yourself? Aren’t you scared? Isn’t that boring?” My answer is always no, and when they ask for my rationale, I talk about the Outcry Tour.
If you are unaware of what Outcry Tour is/was, it was a series of concerts put on by the creme de la creme of Contemporary Christian artists. I remember seeing this flyer 4 years ago and having what can only be described as a mini explosion of excitement. I love Christian rap; Trip Lee, Lecrae, Tedashii and the like is what cured me of my need for trap back in the day because I could have the same beats and grittiness without hearing about someone’s house being shot up. Best of both worlds! In addition, Lauren Daigle’s music had just started coming on the radio, I sang along to most of these other artists in church on a weekly basis, and I was ready.
A group of friends and I started a group chat around ticket purchasing. We vowed to wait until we all were ready so that we could sit together. Days passed, and then weeks did too as we waited for everybody to get their money together. Eventually, we saw a post put up by the producers of the Outcry Tour saying that all tickets were sold out… We hadn’t managed to get seats because we were still waiting on people. It may sound silly, it may just be a concert, but I remember being really sad at the last opportunity, especially because I had what I needed to go. The day of the concert rolled around, and I tried to stay off of social media as friends who had gotten tickets individually or in pairs posted snippets of videos and photos from their seats. I decided at that point that if there was something that I wanted to do, I was going to do it and if others want to join in, they could do so on their own time. No longer would I let waiting for people stop me from my dreams.
Fast forward to the year that I turned 30–I decided that I wanted to do something big for a milestone birthday. Normally, I am satisfied with getting a few friends together for brunch or an activity, but this particular year… I wanted to travel. I set my sights on Jamaica and decided that I would go right after school let out in June since I would be working a summer job by the time my actual birthday rolled around in mid July. There were several people who said:
“Ooh, I want to come!”
“Whaaaat, no invite?”
“What’s your flight number/where are you staying? Can I join?”
“I’m buying a ticket next week!!”
And each time, I passed the info along and waited to see the result. Do you know what the result was?
Me. In Jamaica. Alone. And I discovered that I LOVED every bit of the solitude.
Since then, I’ve intentionally sought out places to travel on my own. If people come with me, that is great too–traveling alone can present some logistical headaches that are made easier by having others around–but the difference is that I’m not waiting.
This isn’t just about the planes and the trips for me, though. It’s about the idea of being enough. Of enjoying my own company. Of following my passions without waiting for the permission of other people. In a world where a lot of my friends are married/in relationships, I have to be intentional about beating back those thoughts of “am I not good enough for somebody?” Traveling solo, exploring the world on my own reminds me of my resilience and my enough-ness.
That doesn’t mean that people aren’t welcome to come with though. One of my close friends came to New Orleans with me last week
and we had a blast. We explored the city, ate ridiculous amounts of good Southern cooking and played endless Uno tournaments. What it does mean, though, is that both on trips and in life, I plan to remember the words of Jamila Woods:
“My cup is full up, what I got is enough
Nobody completes me, don’t mess with my love…”
Contentment in this season until God unveils the next. Amen.